Let's do this shit. Second internet, baby. The deuce. Your daddy's internet is dead as his old boomer dick. So your boy hit the reset. Reinvented the whole online game.
Auf wiedersehen, AOL Instant Messenger.
Buh bye now, Google.
Arrivederci, Wikipedia.
Don’t let the door hit you on your fat ass, Facebook, you old bitch.
Pip Pip Cheerio, Twitter.
Keep it moist, Youtube.
Muah, LinkedIn.
Eat shit, Mozilla FireFox.
Too-da-loo, Amazon, you cucky slut.
Spotify, ciao bella.
Netflix, smell you later.
MySpace, say hi to Bin Laden in hell for me.
Pornhub, I love you. It’s been fun.
Pinterest, peace in your crease.
Time for something new. Time for poppin’ tags. Time to reincarnate daddy's dick with a Blue Chew and start painting mama's sidewalls silly. Ain't no going back. Only forward.
It’s time for that fresh-n-dewy. Let's. Fucking. Gooooooo.
Sincerely,
Duncan Gorgonzola
Respected and Recently Acquitted Businessman